2015年7月
文／Andy Lee
(此文的翻譯版本在本頁下方)
So I’ve just spent the weekend hanging out with my friend whom I haven’t seen for a good few years. We first met 17 years ago at University. It was to be the start of a long and fruitful friendship, one that contained many tales worth telling, and probably many more that aren’t! As we regaled one another with stories from the past, I had completely forgotten that we once got caught cheating on an assignment. (And may I take this opportunity to say that I do not condone cheating of any kind, and that it will only serve to increase the distance from which you will fall one day). However, if hypothetically you were to cheat, make sure you’re confident that at least one of you knows the answer. We got caught because we both used the same erroneous workings out and calculations to formulate the same incorrect answer. Double duh.
Thankfully, we didn’t just have stories of sleeping through lectures, drinking and cheating on assignments to recount. My friend also became a Christian. I’m surprised even to this day at how God used me to connect with him. I was relatively new in my faith too and there were certainly areas of my life that were self-seeking rather than God-seeking. But that is God for you, never underestimate what He does and how He does it. So over the next decade we moved through the various chapters of life and not all of it together. We were best man at each other’s wedding, only a month apart. But then our careers began to take us on different paths and today we live in different countries. Whilst we did our best to relive the glory days of studenthood, it was very evident that we were no longer the same people we once were (definitely a good thing!). But there is beauty in that. It meant that our friendship isn’t based on the people that we once were, but is still going strong based on the people we’ve become. From politics to Church ministry, family to finances, Arsenal to Manchester United, as long as we are open, optimistic and secure in ourselves, then the friendship will keep going. It isn’t based merely on memories of the past, but on the continuing mutual desire to stay connected.
There are certainly different levels of friendships, and not all last. Some fade over time. Some fade with circumstances. And some fade because the common elements of the friendship no longer apply, like changes in core values or beliefs. However, just as there are different seasons of life, friendships also come and go in seasons. Sometimes it is healthy to carry out a stocktake of the friends we have and make a conscious decision to let some go in order to make more space to invest in others. In letting go, I’m talking about emotionally and mentally as much as I’m talking about the practical sense of meeting up and doing life together. Rather than being disappointed that your once best friend is now a distant memory, celebrate the fact that you have had that season in your life. Be thankful for that chapter of your life where you went on holiday together, shared meals, kept each other’s secrets, and helped each other through tough times. But be careful of holding on to a memory and cherishing it to the point of distracting you from the present, because the price you might be paying for that is new and fruitful friendships in your life today.
So after hanging out with my good friend this weekend I’ve realised that our particular friendship hasn’t drifted. I’m super thankful for that. I believe that it’s still going strong because firstly there is a mutual desire for it to continue, and secondly we allow space for it to evolve. We’ve matured (hopefully), developed new views, been through different experiences and struggles. It’s like becoming friends all over again as we catch up. These are the kinds of friendships that last. These friendships aren’t categorised into seasons. They don’t need to be. Everyone would be better off with these kinds of friendships. They enrich our lives. Indeed they have definitely enriched mine.
（翻譯）
不會褪色的友誼
原文：李民輝
翻譯：啟思
上個週末我見了自己許久未見的一個朋友。我們17年前在大學裡相識，從而開始了一段長久而深厚的友誼。而在那段友誼之路上也發生了很多值得講述的事，但更多的其實是平淡而過的經歷。我們彼此都回憶了過往，而我已經完全忘記了有一次我們因為抄襲作業而被老師抓住的事兒。（我也要在此告誡你們，我不會寬恕任何形式的欺騙行為，這沒有任何好處，只會增加你有朝一日將要墜落的罪惡深淵的高度。）然而，要是你真打算抄作業的話，一定要確保你們之間至少有一個人是知道正確答案的！我們就是因為使用了一模一樣的錯誤方法和計算方式得出了一模一樣的錯誤答案才被抓的，老師一抓就是一對兒。
但幸好我們不僅只有那些在課堂上睡覺、喝酒以及抄作業這些事兒──我的朋友也成為了一名基督徒。直至今日，我仍然驚訝神是怎樣使用我與他交流的。我當時是一名信主不久的基督徒，在生活中的很多方面，追求自我比追求神更多。然而，生活中總有神的準備，永遠不要低估神能做的事以及祂所用的方法。在接下來的十年中，我們都翻開了人生的多彩篇章，並不是所有的時刻我們都在一起。我們的婚禮相隔僅僅一個月，我們是彼此的伴郎。而在那之後，我們分別走上了不同的事業之路，現在我們在不同的國家生活。
當我們盡力讓那段光輝歲月再次栩栩如生地呈現時，我們都清楚地明白：我們已經不再是曾經的自己（而這絕對是件好事兒！）。在這段過程是美麗的。這意味著我們的友誼不僅僅是因為我們曾經是誰而存在，而是為了我們「將要成為的那個人」而歷久彌新，變得更加堅固。從政治到教會事工，從家庭到經濟，從阿森納到曼聯，只要我們讓自己開放、樂觀、沒有憂慮，這段友誼就會持續下去。這不僅僅是建立在我們過去的回憶上，更是在我們想要保持聯繫的共同願望中得到成長。
世界上當然存在著很多不同級別的友誼，而不是所有的友誼都能持續下去。有些隨著時間而消逝，有些因為環境而不再繼續，而有些則是因為友誼的共同元素不再相一致了，比如核心價值觀和信仰發生了變化。然而，就好比生活中有很多不同的階段一樣，友誼也會在這些不同階段中產生或消失。有時候我們應該看看自己都交了哪些朋友，要做出明智的決定去離開一些人，騰出更多的空位投資更好的朋友，這是讓人生更「健康」的做法。我說的「離開」是指從情感上和心理上同時離開──不再一起去消磨時光，也不因曾經與你最好的朋友已經遠去的記憶這件事兒感到失望，而是要慶幸你已經在人生中經歷了這一階段。感恩你們曾經一起度過的假期、分享過的美食、保守過的秘密，在困難的時候彼此相扶……但要注意如果你緊握這段記憶不放手，它就會讓你脫離現實，而你現在應該付出的，是當下生活中的嶄新而深厚的友誼。
所以在這週末，見過了我最好的朋友之後，我意識到我們那段特別的友誼並沒有消逝。我對此特別感恩。我相信這段友誼還會繼續堅固地走下去，因為我們都有共同將它持續下去的願望，並且我們也為它留有發展的空間。我們都成熟多了（希望事實如此！），有了新觀點，也曾有過不同的經歷和奮鬥歷程。這就像是我們小聚之後又重新成為了朋友一樣。世界上有很多種友誼可以一直持續下去。這些友誼不會被劃入任何一個人生階段，它們本不需要。所有人都會在這種友誼中成長的更好，它們讓我們的人生更加豐盈。至少，它們已經豐富充實了我的人生。