Chinese Christian Herald Crusades UK

青年園地︰Why retelling your story is a powerful indicator of growth

Andy Lee

 

 

In my teenage years, long before I got married, there was this girl I fancied. I thought she was amazing in every way. We’d been friends for a while, hung out a bit, and regularly spoke on the phone. As time passed I thought we were making good progress. And by progress I mean the increasing likelihood of moving on from the deadly trap of the dreaded friend-zone to actually become a couple. As in boyfriend and girlfriend. As in I’m going out with the girl of my dreams.

 

 

So, we’re talking on the phone one night, catching up on our week, when she said “I’ve got something to tell you, it’s a surprise.”. “Okay!” came my quick and excited answer. Was she moving to the same city as me? Coming to the same university? Was she finally beginning to realise what a great guy I was and what a great couple we’d be?

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’ve got a boyfriend!”

 

 

I suddenly felt numb. My heart sank to the floor. I was devastated. My world had just turned upside down. And as I slumped back into my chair, I just about managed to muster the words “That’s so great…I’m so happy for you!”. I don’t even remember the rest of the conversation. But I do remember just staring at my wall for a long time afterwards. Crying. Yep. Crying. Weeping. Many tears. Many many tears.

 

 

 

As I reflect back, I realise it’s quite an amusing story. You might have found it amusing too. It definitely wasn’t amusing at the time. It was horrible. There’s no way I would’ve shared that story unless I was over it. And being able to retell this particular story of mine is a sign that I’ve moved past it. It’s not about trying to push it out of my mind and sweep it under the carpet. It’s about embracing and accepting the experience in all its fullness. Yes, this means the most painful parts too. Including the tears. All those tears. So the fact that I’m able to share this in a platform where thousands of people would read it, including you, is a reflection of where I am in relation to that story.

 

 

This isn’t down-playing the significance of how I felt. This is saying that I’m not affected by the feelings anymore. It’s saying that I own my experience and that’s liberating. The alternative is to dwell on it. To dwell in it. To relive the situation as if it’s happening right now. Over and over in my mind. Then we feel the emotions that go along with it. Right now. That’s not liberating at all. In fact, it’s very suppressive. It pins us down to our past and makes it difficult for us to move on and move forward. We struggle to see the next chapter in our lives because we’re so focused on the past.

 

 

Whatever your age and whatever your current stage in life, you’re made up of stories too. Within you are hundreds and thousands of experiences and memories. How can we own all those experiences and make them a part of us in a way that liberates instead of suppresses? It’s when we’re able to share our stories once again. In a new light. In a new way. With a healthy disconnection from the event. This is a sign that we have made peace with our past and confidently claimed it as a part of who we are. It’s having the confidence and the hope that better things are ahead.

 

 

 

Have you been through tough relationship breakups? Maybe even divorce? Have you or those close to you suffered ill health? Did you know that 1 in 2 people born after 1960 will be diagnosed with some form of cancer during their lifetime? Perhaps you’ve encountered financial difficulties? Life is not without its ups and downs. As Christians we know that Jesus never promised us an easy life, but a meaningful and purposeful one. With hope. There is always hope in Jesus.

 

 

Your stories of cancer, broken relationships, financial difficulties, rejected applications may have been told a certain way, through a certain lens as you experienced it. But later, when you get the chance to retell the story, my hope is that it will sound very different. You don’t remove the bad bits, the bits that made you cry, or caused you pain – you keep them in. You may even emphasise them even more. What were the worst parts, become the best parts. The highlights of your story.

 

 

In the retelling, they take on new meaning, weight and perspective. They reflect your new maturity, growth, and wisdom. They represent your battle scars. And you share them with pride. So claim those experiences, and retell them as wonderful stories of your own life. Amuse your friends around the dinner table with your stories. Encourage your community with your stories. Bless the world with your stories.

 

 

To finish off my own story… we celebrated our ten year wedding anniversary earlier this year. And no, it’s not the same girl. Wherever she is and whatever she’s up to, I hope she’s as happy as I am.