Andy Lee
One of the many influences that adults have in childhood is the behaviour of others, be it good behaviour or bad behaviour. Typically it’s close family members that have a more direct impact on us during our early years. That is until we enter the education system, including nursery. There, we’re taught that certain behaviour is bad and unacceptable, and that certain behaviour is good and acceptable.
In my generation, the infamous feather-duster was the encouragement of choice when it came to enforcing good behaviour. It was probably in my teenage years that I learned the feather-duster was actually used for cleaning dust and not for *USE YOUR IMAGINATION HERE*.
In hindsight I recognise that the lessons I learned were for my own good, even if I didn’t approve of the methods used! I learned that certain behaviour is classed as bad and should be avoided. For example: pulling my sister’s hair (or anybody else’s hair for that matter), putting marbles in my mouth, weeing in my pants, throwing tantrums when I didn’t get my way, copying someone else’s homework.
Something I came across during my studies as a personal coach, that I think provides some useful insight into ourselves, is that our behaviour can be put into four distinct categories or groups. Understanding these four categories or classes of behaviour shines a light into our deeper motivations, beliefs and habitual patterns of behaviour. They help us to understand not only ourselves but other people better. And they also help us on the journey towards being in better control of doing more of what we want, and less of what we don’t want. So here they are:
Group One Behaviour – This is typically characterised by actions that lead to both short and long term pleasure. There is no pain or suffering linked to this type of behaviour. It is a great place to be! Group one behaviour satisfies the following statements:
It feels good
It is good for you
It is good for others
It serves the greater good
Group Two Behaviour – These behaviours are characterised by short-term pain leading to long-term pleasure. You’ll experience short-term pain with these actions but otherwise they are positive because they produce long-term rewards. In some cases you may experience a lot of pain short-term but it is still very worthwhile. Examples include studying, exercise and any forms of delayed gratification like saving money, going on a diet etc. They satisfy the following:
Don’t feel good
Are good for you
Are good for others
Serve the greater good
Group Three Behaviour – This is self-sabotaging behaviour. These behaviours feel good in the short-term, but they have painful long-term consequences. Examples include over-eating, over-spending, procrastination, instant gratification, and addictions like gambling and alcohol. They satisfy the following:
Feel good
Aren’t good for you
Aren’t good for others
Don’t serve the greater good
Group Four Behaviour – These behaviours are characterised by short and long-term pain. Behaviours that fall into this group stem from feelings of anxiety, frustration, anger. For example, feeling anxious can lead to physical symptoms like palpitations, sweating, difficulty breathing, and stomach pains. This doesn’t help you or other people, nor is it beneficial in the wider context. These behaviours don’t really make rational sense in that we wouldn’t intentionally seek out group four behaviours. Therefore they point to deeper habitual behavioural patterns driven by our unconscious mind. Like category three, they are self-sabotaging behaviours that:
Don’t feel good
Aren’t good for you
Aren’t good for others
Don’t serve the greater good
Now that you know the four groups of behaviour, you can take a good look at your own behaviour and get a good grasp of how healthy your overall choices and actions are. Ideally you’d like to have all your behaviour in groups one and two. If you have any behaviours that reside in groups three and four, then it’s really worth looking at them in more detail from a self-reflection point of view, and seeing what you can do to get rid of these self-sabotaging behaviours. Self-awareness is the key to self-mastery.