Andy Lee
This year I’ve been invited to 10 weddings. I’ll be attending 8 of them. Weddings are one of those occasions where I’m especially grateful to be male, because I don’t have to go shopping for a new outfit every single time. A different shirt and tie combination and I’m all good.
It can be easy to lose sight of the fact that for the couple it’s going be the best day of their lives. As a guest I’ll admit that as the number of weddings I’ve attended add up over the years, I start asking some of the more self-centered questions. I wonder if you can relate:
Will there be free parking?
How much waiting around will there be?
How much time do I have to take off work?
Who will we know there?
How much will it all cost me?
And possible the most important question of them all – what will the FOOD be like and is there a free BAR?
As people’s social circles have increased due to the power of online communities like Facebook, it seems to be trickier to find wedding venues that meet the standards of the couple to be, and are also big enough to include everyone on their list. So what I’m saying is, if you’re on the list, be grateful because you made the cut! Think of others that fell away as the list got whittled down…
I’m currently on a run of three weddings in three weeks, and I have one more this coming weekend. As I paused to reflect on my general attitude and way of thinking, I’ve identified a few things that I can do to make the most of the occasion, not just for myself, but for the couple in question. Some of these I already do. Some of these things I used to do but have become lazy to do. Here they are:
Speak to the wedding couple – Although the day can be very busy and hectic with lots going on, I spot opportunities to make a beeline towards to the couple and take a few minutes to connect with them. I make an effort to avoid the generic and sometimes thoughtless questions and comments like “How are you finding it so far?”, or “I bet you can’t wait to get out of those shoes” and talk to them about something more thoughtful and personal. When you do this it forms a genuine and meaningful albeit brief connection, and you’re making a difference that you’re there. Please do more than just grab a photo with them. Show them why you were invited.
Speak to the family of the wedding couple – When a couple get married, it isn’t just the joining of two people, it’s the joining of two communities. I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone to get to know the family better. This maybe the other side of your friend that you don’t know much about so it’s a great way to get a glimpse of another part of your friend’s life. And if you happen to be related to either the groom or the bride, then go and introduce yourself to their friends and colleagues, where perhaps you’ll see them in a different light.
Meet new people – If you’re attending as a family or a couple, or more than likely you already know a group of people there, it’s easy to hang around with the familiars. However, you’d be missing a great opportunity to expand your network and meet new people. The beauty of a wedding is that everybody is in good spirits, and it’s extra safe to simply go up to people, introduce yourself and start chatting. Find out about their connection with the wedding couple, be interested in their stories, get connected so you can stay in touch afterwards. You just never know where it may lead.
Meet old people – I don’t mean old as in age here! I mean people you haven’t seen in a while (even if you see them all the time on Facebook). I mean say hello and catch up in person on a deeper level that stalking each other’s social media posts doesn’t allow you to do.
Although I confessed that I have found myself asking the very classic and self-centered question of “What’s it in for me?”, we can counteract these selfish tendencies by exploring how to give more of yourself while you’re there. Make the most of the variety and excitement on the day. Find the fun in connecting with people because honestly, people don’t normally get a chance to do that too often.
There’s no pressure to be funny, or charismatic, or particularly extroverted either. It’s simply a case of putting a focus on others instead of yourself, and being sincerely interested in people. So keep your phone in your pocket, avoid spending the whole day with people you see all the time anyway, and make it a new, enjoyable and memorable experience for those you interact with. In doing so, it’ll be a memorable experience for you too.