Chinese Christian Herald Crusades UK

青年園地︰Why Can’t They Just See That I’m Right

Wynne Chong

 

 

How many times have you asked yourself that question? A thought like that would most likely come after an argument where you and the other person were not able to agree with each other.

 

 

 

 

If there is one universal thing most of us as human want to be, that is to be right. Most of us would not like to admit to that seemingly egotistical statement. However, think about all the times you have had arguments or unhappy conversations with family and friends where you left feeling like the other person just does not get it. How many times have you secretly thought, “Why can’t they just see that they are wrong and I am right?”

 

 

Apart from very foundational ethical matters that should not be compromised on, most issues people disagree on are down to a difference in opinion. These disagreements can range from very simple menial issues to major life-changing ones.

 

 

It can be the old married couple, “I told you to take the trash out. Why am I always the one doing the chores around here?” It can be the concerned mother talking to her teenage daughter before prom night, “I told you not to get that dress. Why can’t you just pick something that looks a little more decent?” It can sometimes sound more serious, “I told you to pick that university course. You wouldn’t be struggling to find a job now if you had listened!” or “I told you not to buy that house. Look at the debt you got us into!”

 

 

“I told you……” Any statement that starts like that just sounds more accusatory and causes the person on the receiving end to shut off. If we were to be honest with ourselves, we think we are the right ones most of the time! If only they had listened to us, all of this trouble could have been avoided. Why can’t they just see that we care and just want the best for them? We are so confident about how right we are about the issue, we forget that there is a living, breathing person in front of us.

 

 

Let’s look at things from the opposite perspective. When someone tells you that you should have done things the “right” way, i.e. their way, how does that make you feel? Most of us would go on the defensive because we feel threatened by this unwelcomed criticism. We automatically view that person through an antagonistic lens. Even if the person is a close family or friend whom you are confident is looking out for you and wants the best for you, it does not make it less hurtful.

 

 

The truth of the matter is, the driving force in any healthy relationship, be it platonic, familial or romantic, should be love and compassion. This certainly does not mean we are to sit back and allow our loved ones to make poor decisions. In the book of Ephesians in the Bible, we are encouraged to “be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love”. It also encourages us to “speak the truth in love”. What words to live by! We are called to be truthful, but in a manner that reflects the love and compassion we have for the person. It is extremely important to pick the right moment for giving advice. When someone is under intense stress, he or she is usually not able to process or act upon advice in a rational way. Most people also do not need to hear their mistakes or the consequences. repeated back to them. They are usually fully aware and just need a listening ear and helping hand in dire times.

 

 

Whilst this is a season for making New Year Resolutions, let’s make a conscious effort to build on our relationships with loved ones. The hallmark of a matured relationship is when we realise it is not worth losing people for the sake of winning an argument. So the next time you feel like you are right in an argument, pause and ask yourself these 3 questions.

 

 

1. Am I saying things that reflect I love and care?
2. Is this the right time to give them advice?
3. Is it helpful reminding them of their mistakes if they are already well aware?

 

 

Love and compassion should always come first!